Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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