Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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