Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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