what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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