So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
