Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
