Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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