i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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