i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize