Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
