So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
