Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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