WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
