Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Randomize
