it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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