office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
