Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize