i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
