I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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