why didn't you poke me back
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
