Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
