last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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