Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
