I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
