Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
