oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
