I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
