OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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