MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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