Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
