I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
