your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize