Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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