Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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