Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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