it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
