I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
