i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize