i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
