it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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