He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
