Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
