The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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