I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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