we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize