we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
