Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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