Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
