Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
