The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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