im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
