We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
