just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
