Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize