Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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