why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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