can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
