NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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