I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
