I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
