I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
