We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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