Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
