so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
