New low: just hacked my moms facebook
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
