Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
