I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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