Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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