Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
