According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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