Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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