her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she smelled like a LAN party
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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