When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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