She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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