I wish I only lived at night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
